Here we go, the first of the Notes from the Canadian honey jar!
June 9, 2017
If the pair are in the story, then it means he decided to stay and settle in North America after all? Is theirs the ‘green card marriage’, except that the relationship is real? How about that fine line, that wisp of doubt that always lingers about why a couple decides to get married when one has ‘citizenship’ and one doesn’t. Yes they truly love each other but would they be getting married at this specific point if immigration/papers/visa wasn’t a factor? How many relationships are rushed, not given the room and space to develop at a healthier pace, because of that visa expiry date?
Or he hasn’t made any such decision, and they are still in that debate phase. He still intends to return when he graduates (or finishes the one year postgrad work visa) and still expects that she will join him, at that point or eventually. She still expects that he will stay.
Maybe this is the story with the four variations? (The only way to delay marriage is if he leaves, ironically, since then visas are not an issue for either of them.)
1 – He leaves, she returns with him.
2 – He leaves, she doesn’t return with him.
3 – He stays, they marry (because they have to).
4 – He stays, they don’t marry (she delays).
I’m not quite sure about the fourth variation. That would mean he’s ‘stuck’, a ‘prisoner’ there? Wow, I just realized I’ve totally written the whole thing from his point of view! And this after having just read ‘What can a heroine do? Why women can’t write.’ By Joanna Russ.
Okay so, let’s fix this!
1 – She returns with him.
2 – She doesn’t return with him.
3 – She marries him because he’s decided to stay and his visa will expire.
4 – She doesn’t marry him even though he’s decided to stay and his visa will expire.
By returning with him, she can postpone any talk of marriage. By not returning with him, she corners herself into marrying him. It’s as if it’s impossible for two people like that (one with ‘papers’, one without) to carry on an unhurried relationship, date for years, live together, etc. without bringing up the M word. Like that saying about a bird and a fish may fall in love but where will they live.